when did i become such a heart breaker?
i have never been one to bring a boy into my life and push them out so quickly. leaving them texting me at 3 am asking what happened? or why i just completely snapped and shut off? i have a lot of other issues im dealing with emotionally and much greater problems these days that i dont talk about with anyone. at all. and i let a dark cloud secretly hang over me. secretly because id rather have a good time with my close friends then feel bad about anything and everything. now when something or someone else enters my life, i do the normal dating, watch movies, go out together, but after a quick while, when i suspect any kind of relationship other than a friendship, i shut off. im in no spot in my life right now to fully commit to someone and its not even about partying and being single or whatever. it would just be selfish of me and not fair to the other person. the rest of 2009 is going to suck and im ready for it. i did it to myself.
little by little though, its getting better. today i have a drug test for afni. i went to orientation yesterday and start august 4th. i dont prefer working there but its a really decent paying job and i really need health care. my friends are keeping me happy and i havent been going out as much.
seigi came over tonight and we watched purple rain and grey gardens and made soup while it poured. after he went home i picked up my friends from a drunk night out, went to del taco, laughed so hard at them and with them, then played boggle at ses's. home by 6 am and 100% competely sober.
2 comments:
This is a great post Ashley. I think everyone can relate a bit to this. It's good that you have lots of happy things in your life.
Cheers,
Smog
thanks that makes me feel good :)
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